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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26095483">Attention to Detail</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misterdevere/pseuds/Misterdevere'>Misterdevere</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kingsman (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cancer, Hurt/Comfort, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:53:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26095483</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misterdevere/pseuds/Misterdevere</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry's careful eye leads to a troubling discovery that he and his husband have to deal with</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Hart | Galahad/Merlin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Attention to Detail</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What’s that?” Merlin was just about to fall asleep when Harry started prodding at his shoulder. He huffed and went to turn towards Harry only to be pushed further onto his front instead. “You’ve got a new mole there.”</p>
<p>Merlin tried to shrug him off as Harry scraped over the spot. “Will you stop picking at my skin?”</p>
<p>“I’m just looking. I’m sure it wasn’t there before.”</p>
<p>“I bet it was.” Harry dragged his nail across it again and Merlin tutted. “And you are not just looking, you’re scratching. Stop it.”</p>
<p>“Darling, I look at your back far more often than you do. I’m telling you it’s new. Go and look in the mirror.”</p>
<p>Merlin closed his eyes in defiance. “I’m not getting out of bed.”</p>
<p>“Put your glasses on, then, and I’ll show you.”</p>
<p>“Harry, I’m trying to sleep.”</p>
<p>“So hurry up and put your glasses on so that I can show you and I’ll let you sleep.” Merlin groaned but reached for his glasses and let Harry transmit the image of his own back to him. “See?”</p>
<p>Merlin just hummed vaguely - how was he supposed to have the slightest clue what was new and what wasn’t? “I’m sure it’s nothing.”</p>
<p>“It wouldn’t do you any harm to check.”</p>
<p>“I’m not wasting my time and theirs to look at a stupid mole that’s probably nothing, Harry.”</p>
<p>“I don’t like the look of it. Please, darling. Just to put my mind at ease, will you go and see a doctor?”</p>
<p>“Fine. I’ll make an appointment tomorrow. Can I go to sleep now?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” He leant over to press a kiss to Merlin’s lips. “I love you.”</p>
<p>“I love you too, you pain in the arse.”</p>
<p>He did as he was told, made it to an appointment a couple of weeks later and managed to skirt around Harry’s pestering to go with him. Nonetheless, Harry was in his face the second he walked through the front door. “How was your appointment?”</p>
<p>“It was fine, love. There’s no need for you to worry.” Merlin kissed him and easily stepped around him to go about his evening.</p>
<p>Harry spent a few weeks away on a mission after that, and made sure his first stop once he was back was his husband’s office. “As lovely as it is to see you, you don’t look very good, darling. Is something wrong?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine, love.” Merlin quickly sent him away to his debriefing and a check over in medical and slipped away to be home before Harry.</p>
<p>“There you are, darling.” Harry greeted Merlin with a kiss when he got home. “Anyone would think you’re avoiding me.”</p>
<p>“Love, there’s something I need to tell you.” He sat in his chair and nodded for Harry to take his own, taking his husband’s hands when he did. He took a deep breath and decided it was best just to cut to the chase. “I have cancer, Harry.”</p>
<p>“What? Cancer?” Harry’s face drained of all colour. “The mole on your back.”</p>
<p>Merlin nodded. “Stage three melanoma.”</p>
<p>“But...but you told me not to worry. I thought everything was fine. Why didn’t you tell me?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t want to worry you, especially not before your mission.”</p>
<p>“Fuck the mission. I wouldn’t have gone on a fucking mission if I’d known.”</p>
<p>“Which is exactly why I didn’t tell you. You needed to be focused, people still needed your help. The world doesn’t stop turning because I’m ill.”</p>
<p>“It may as well.” Merlin gave him a sad smile. “So, stage three? That’s bad, isn’t it? I mean really quite bad.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it can be. Well, it is, but I’m going to be fine, love. They caught it in time to do something about it.” Merlin cleared his throat and blinked back tears. “You saved my life.”</p>
<p>Harry’s eyes started to water, then. He couldn’t stand to think that he could’ve lost Merlin if he hadn’t noticed it. “So what does this mean?”</p>
<p>“There was the mole that you found and another one under my arm. It spread to the lymph nodes under my right arm.” Harry felt like he was suffocating. He had to fight hard against the fog starting to cloud his brain, screaming at himself in his mind that this was important and he needed to hear it. “They removed both of the moles and the lymph nodes and now I’m having radiotherapy. So if I’m not my usual gorgeous self for a while, you can blame it on that.”</p>
<p>“This isn’t funny, Hamish.” Tears started to fall from Harry’s eyes, burning down his cheeks. He pulled his hands away from Merlin’s. “You had <em>surgery</em> while I was thousands of miles away and you didn’t tell me?! How could you do that? How could you think that that was okay?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t want to tell you before you went and I wasn’t sure when you’d be back. They didn’t think it was a good idea to wait. I’m sorry, love.”</p>
<p>Harry practically leapt at him, hugging him tight. “I could have lost you and I wouldn’t have known.” He sobbed into Merlin’s shoulder, his voice growing weak. “I could’ve lost you.”</p>
<p>“I know. But I’ll be okay.” He rubbed his hand up and down Harry’s back, standing slowly to stop him from aching but trying not to dislodge him. “Everything will be fine, okay? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, and I’m sorry I didn’t want to listen to you. If you hadn’t made me go and get it checked, they would never have caught it in time. I’m so lucky to have you.”</p>
<p>Harry wiped his eyes and pulled away, holding Merlin’s face in his hands. “You’ve been going through this all alone. I’m so sorry, darling. Are you okay? Have you been coping with it okay?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine, love. I’ve just been getting on with what I have to do. The thought of telling you has been the hardest part.”</p>
<p>“This could’ve been life-threatening, Hamish. I shouldn’t be your biggest concern.”</p>
<p>“You always are.” He pressed a kiss to Harry’s lips. “I love you.”</p>
<p>“I love you too, more than anything.” He peppered kisses across Merlin’s cheek. “So tell me about the radiotherapy. I want to be there with you.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to be, love. It’s 8 o’clock every morning, Monday to Friday for the next three weeks, and then they’ll do some more tests.”</p>
<p>“At work?”</p>
<p>Merlin shook his head. “I didn’t go to them. I don’t want them knowing or anyone wondering why I’m going down to medical every morning.”</p>
<p>“They’re going to wonder what’s wrong when you’re not at work.”</p>
<p>“I will be at work. I told you, I don’t want people asking questions.”</p>
<p>Harry gave him a disapproving look. “Hamish, you need to rest. You can’t keep going as you are while you’re having that kind of treatment. They’ll notice you don’t look yourself.”</p>
<p>“I’ll keep going until I can’t, if I can’t. And maybe they’ll put it down to old age or needing a holiday. I’m Merlin, Harry. I need to be indestructible. I won’t give anyone reason to question my position and I don’t want anyone’s pity.”</p>
<p>“Oh, darling, as if they would question anything. As if they <em>could</em>.”</p>
<p>“You and the other knights are the epitome of physical health, no one wants a sickly old man in charge of them. And you know how brutal bloody Arthur can be. If I’m not there, someone else needs to be doing the job, and if they can do it while I’m ill, they can do it just as well once I’m not. This is important to me.”</p>
<p>“Okay. But I won’t have you pushing yourself too hard.” Merlin just smiled, shaking his head fondly. “Promise me you’re not keeping anything else from me. I’m not going to find out that it’s terminal or-“</p>
<p>“No. I’m not keeping anything else from you. I promise - as far as I know - I’m going to be fine. If that changes, you’ll know as soon as I do.”</p>
<p>He knew that Merlin was strong and would keep a stiff upper lip but it was incredibly distressing for Harry to see the effects the treatment had on his husband’s body. To see him in pain and losing weight and being unable to say anything for fear of making him feel worse. So Harry encouraged him to sleep as much as he could, made soup for him and gave him massages when he was sore.</p>
<p>Although it left him uncomfortable, exhausted and unable to eat a lot of the time, treatment was a success overall. He tried his best to keep going and ignore Harry’s worried and disapproving looks, and at the end of it his tests came back clear. He knew that it would be a long time before he could really relax but he was grateful to start to feel normal again over the next few weeks and months.</p>
<p>He was not so grateful to have to sit Harry down again. “I don’t want to worry you, love, and I wouldn’t be telling you at all until I could be sure but I swore I wouldn’t keep anything from you. I think I need to go back to the doctors.”</p>
<p>“You found something else?” Merlin nodded sadly. “Can I see?”</p>
<p>Merlin took his shirt off and pointed out a mark on the back of his arm, just a few inches below his shoulder. It could easily be brushed off as just another mole or a birthmark, but he was extra vigilant and he knew this one was new. “There’s a chance it could be nothing but it would be stupid not to be sure. I’ll make an appointment in the morning.”</p>
<p>Merlin slipped his shirt back on before he slipped into bed and it saddened Harry a little that he did that these days. He’d always run hot so slept in as little clothing as possible, for as long as Harry had known him. But now with the scars from the surgery and the hair under one arm missing thanks to the treatment, Harry supposed he didn’t want to see those reminders in the mirror first thing in the morning. He’d assured him that they didn’t bother him in the slightest but it really did seem to be for Merlin’s own comfort so Harry left well alone.</p>
<p>The only positive was that it was much quicker to be able to see a doctor. There was no chance any more of keeping Harry from accompanying him, though.</p>
<p>“I’m afraid the cancer has returned.” Merlin placed a hand on Harry’s thigh, gently squeezing to comfort him. “In this instance, it can be removed and we don’t believe it has spread again, but if it keeps returning - especially since it spread last time - we may have to consider other treatments.”</p>
<p>Just as he had last time, he did what he had to do, had the surgery and calmly kept going with Harry holding his hand through it all, and the clock was reset.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hamish.”</p>
<p>Merlin hummed in answer but got nothing back. “Yes, Harry?” When there was still no answer, he turned to Harry, who was stood staring at him with tears in his eyes. “What’s wrong, love?”</p>
<p>Harry stepped closer to him, rested his hands on Merlin’s waist and gently thumbed over a spot on his back. “I think it’s back again.”</p>
<p>“What?” Merlin went to the mirror, looking for himself where Harry had touched and saw what he was talking about. He just hummed and frowned at his body in the mirror. As he saw Harry’s reflection appear beside his, Merlin turned to his husband.</p>
<p>“Are you alright, darling?”</p>
<p>Merlin nodded and pressed a kiss to Harry’s cheek. “We’ll get it checked out and see where we go from there.” Merlin quickly disappeared, then, and covered up with a t-shirt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The tests came back clear, Mr Hart. I’m pleased to tell you that you’re still cancer-free.”</p>
<p>Merlin just nodded and offered his calm thanks before they left. Harry, completely relieved, only remarked that it was good news but didn’t push for anything more when Merlin stayed quiet. When they got home, Merlin pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’m gonna take a shower and get changed.”</p>
<p>Merlin carried himself off upstairs and Harry busied himself for a while before he went up to check on him. Merlin was already dressed in pyjamas by then, his arms spread either side of the sink. Harry stepped beside him and rubbed a hand down his back. “Hamish? Are you okay?”</p>
<p>Merlin paused for a second before he shook his head, sounding breathless as he spoke. “No.”</p>
<p>“Alright. Come and sit down, darling.” Harry led him to the bedroom and Merlin sat at the foot of the bed instead of on it, tipping his head back against the mattress. Harry kept one hand on his shoulder, rubbing slow, gentle little circles with his thumb. “You’ll be okay in a moment, darling. Just breathe.”</p>
<p>Merlin knew what was happening. He’d seen enough soldiers and agents with PTSD or in times of stress and anxiety, even had the odd moment of panic himself, and he knew it would pass. But in the moment, his heart was racing, he couldn’t quite catch a full breath, Harry’s hand felt like the only thing keeping him from breaking down completely and it didn’t seem like it was ever going to end. He took Harry’s other hand in his and Harry gave a reassuring squeeze.</p>
<p>“I’m right here. It will be over soon.” Harry kept up the motion on his shoulder, providing a rhythm for him to copy, and after a few minutes his breathing started to follow and his heart rate seemed to settle with it. When he let his head fall forward again, it was for tears to fall as well. Harry let go of Merlin’s hand and held him tight. It was the first time he’d seen his husband cry since his diagnosis. It was the first time he’d seen him be anything but practical about the whole thing. But now Merlin gripped his shoulders tight as he sobbed into his neck and Harry let him, of course, holding onto him just as tightly.</p>
<p>It must have been an hour before Merlin let him go even slightly, months of emotion pushed aside and stored up for the sake of logic and practicality finally pouring out. He pressed a kiss to Harry’s jaw as he pulled away and wiped at his eyes with the back of his wrist. Harry quickly stepped away to fetch some tissues to properly clear his runny nose and wet cheeks, kneeling back beside Merlin when he returned. “I can’t do it again, Harry. I can’t. I just can’t.”</p>
<p>“I hope we don’t have to but if we do, we’ll get through it together, my love. You did hear the same as me, didn’t you? You’re fine, darling. You’re healthy.”</p>
<p>“I heard, love.” He gave Harry a weak smile before his eyes fell to his hands and the scrunched up ball of tissue between them. He stayed quiet again for a few minutes and Harry waited, one hand stroking his thigh. “I was prepared for it to be back. I was prepared for us to have to go through it all again. I’m relieved but in my head, I was so sure it was going to be the cancer back again that it’s a bit of a shock to find out that it’s not. It’s like when your adrenaline kicks in with no outlet. It’s always in my mind and I built it up so much in my head, I didn’t even realise, and it’s a lot to take apart again.”</p>
<p>“Is there anything I can do to help?”</p>
<p>Merlin shook his head with a small smile. “No, love. You already do enough.” He took both of Harry’s hands in his. “I know you don’t think you’ve done much but you have no idea what you’ve done for me over these past few months. This thing would’ve been killing me before I even knew it was there if it wasn’t for you. I’m alive because of you. It gets harder each time it comes back to think that that could be the one they can’t do anything about, that it could be the one that takes me away from you. You keep me going, I don’t know how I’d cope without you. I feel very, very lucky to have you, Harry Hart.”</p>
<p>It was Harry’s turn to let a few tears slip. He pressed a couple of quick kisses to Merlin’s lips. “I feel lucky to have you too, darling. So, so lucky to still have you here with me.”</p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p>“I love you too, darling.”</p>
<p>Merlin smiled and pressed another kiss to his lips. “Christ, my head is banging.”</p>
<p>“I’m not surprised. You must be dehydrated. I’ll go and get you some water, just stay here for a minute.”</p>
<p>“I’m fine, Harry, I can go and get it myself.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure you are. But I’ll be surer once you’ve had a little rest and a drink.”</p>
<p>Merlin smiled at Harry as he stood, refusing to let go of him until he had to. “Thank you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Come and cry with me on tumblr @misterdevere</p></blockquote></div></div>
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